Sunday, 11 March 2012


The complete opposite. My mind is racing with so much emotion. How can it be this hard to think logically? Why can't I go more than a few weeks without trying to blow my life apart. I want these things so badly, but I know I shouldn't. Has that ever stopped me? Yes. Will it forever? I doubt it. Alone again.


  1. Some of us are just like that. I always think of us as tiny pieces, so many and scattered. All across the floor of the room. We keep picking them up to this insane point where we stop being so careful in the manic rush and we cut our fingers. When we look at the blood on our hands we know we're really there and we notice, maybe for the first time, that those pieces are part of a mirror. A bigger picture. The sharp shards glinting in a light that comes from a window on the other side of the room we hadn't stopped to notice.

    Taking one breath at a time we start to pick them up again. Taking care not to mangle the bandages on our fingers that were put there lovingly and accurately.

    The process continues because though we haven't been on the battlefield, in our minds there are little bombs dropping. All the time. Yet some do so much more damage than others might, or it could be that the majority of the time we'd just stopped noticing. So, though we might not have been there, it doesn't make the pain any less. In this, you can know you aren't alone because others have experienced it too.

    The bigger picture of knowing that you aren't alone even when you are, that is worth holding on to. Keep the polaroid of whatever matters most in your hands.

    Take care, darling. Don't stay afraid of a racing mind x

    1. It is good to know that I am not alone, but I'm afraid I can't hold onto a single polaroid. This is my problem. knowing what matters. Sometimes it feels like nothing matters. Staying sober would matter, if it wasn't impossible. Other than that I'm struggling to prioritise.

  2. Any knowledge you have, that is a power of yours to keep in your hand x

  3. Sometimes I wish I had a racing mind just like yours. My mind is too quiet, always in silence. And I wish others could hear through it.

    I just found your blog, it's lovely.